I just built a new PC and when I installed minecraft it just wouldn't work, I've tried uninstalling reinstalling, installing the latest version of java, installing java directly in the minecraft folder, I've restarted the PC countless times. The game can't even create all the correct folders before it crashes, and it has the same exact error message every time, it crashes on every version too although with somewhat varying messages depending on the version.
I've attached the crash report with message.txt.
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Hey there!
This appears to be a technical support issue and the bug tracker is unable to provide you with assistance, as they do not have access to the appropriate resources. Instead, please contact Community Support.
Also the crashes had me down but that reference in the crash report made me smile : )