I try to play Minecraft but it takes a minute to load before launching and then crashes. Half the problem could be that it failed to download a boat load of files "for job 'Resources'". Is this an issue or is it just my computer/internet connection?
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The missing assets is probably the cause. Attempt to download them again, when successful I suspect your issue will be resolved.

I deleted the assets folder and booted up minecraft to re-download them. The assets are there, but the game still refuses to launch.
From Dev Console: Hash did not match downloaded file (Expected 99a11700f8db47a9c21446957d0d008c290f0fba, downloaded 8c84615ebf1aa5913a9d76736f3414c19d4ed567)
Is it possible that minecraft is downloading the incorrect files, or downloading them out of order or something like that?