When entering the realms no message that is sent by the other players appears to me as well as those that I send do not appear to them
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those options do not appear to me

Use a web browser and go to https://www.xbox.com/en-US/live
Under your Account, click on Xbox Profile
Click on Privacy Settings
Click the Xbox One / Windows 10 Online Safety tab
Make sure everything is set to Allow
If this is a child account then this must be done from the parent account

all options are in allow

Thank you for your report!
We're tracking this issue in MCPE-45385, so this ticket is being resolved and linked as a duplicate.
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Try logging into your Xbox Live account and look in the the "Privacy and online safety" section. Under "Privacy", check the settings for:
1. You can communicate outside of Xbox Live with voice & text [x] Allow [ ] In-game friends [ ] Block
2. Others can communicate with voice, text, or invites [x] Everyone [ ] Friends [ ] Block
If anyone has only the "Friends" choices set then chats to/from non-friends will be blocked.
Also some text may still be censored if it contains profanity (and sometimes just random words)